mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
