i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
too bad you live with your parents still
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize