Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
