I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
