Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
