We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
