We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize