Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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