i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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