Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
