Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
