Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
bring money and cleavage
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
