If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
