I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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