Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
