Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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