Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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