Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
