so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
