Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(980): View more from North Carolina

when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.

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(804): View more from Virginia

we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.

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(347): View more from New York

He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.

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(310): View more from California

Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...

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(203): View more from Connecticut

By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"

(203): View more from Connecticut

So thanks for that

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(630): View more from Illinois

True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"

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