I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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