we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
