Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
