You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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