he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
