found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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