i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
