in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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