Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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