Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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