yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
