its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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