i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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