I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize