He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
