At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
