Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
