this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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