There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
