did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
