she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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