So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize