five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
