you inspire me to be a worse person
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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