Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
