and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
