Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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