i already hear my dad disowning me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Bring me that man meat
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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