At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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