The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My pussy is not your playground.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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