Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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