Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
