Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
