I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
