Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
