My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
