You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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