this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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