I heard we made out
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
