I think my vagina is haunted
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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