Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
