He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
